Punya Masa Lalu Kelam? Jangan Diceritakan!

Terkadang sebagian orang memiliki masa lalu yang kelam. Masa lalu yang tidak ingin diingatnya kembali. Apakah bijak untuk menceritakannya kepada orang lain? Meskipun dengan dalih untuk “melegakan” pikiran karena merasa lebih jujur dan terbuka? Jawabannya adalah tidak. Sebaiknya jangan menceritakan masa lalu yang kita anggap sebagai aib dengan dalih apapun. Tidak hanya aib kita sendiri, tetapi juga aib orang lain. Tentu saja ini bukan tanpa sebab, ada alasannya kenapa harus seperti ini.

Three Wise Monkey

Demi ketenangan hidup di masa selanjutnya

Tulisan ini terinspirasi dari seorang teman yang ngobrol denganku beberapa tahun lalu. Temanku ini memiliki masa lalu kelam di dunia gemerlap malam, bisa dibilang tiada malam tanpa dugem dan “ngebungkus” ladies dari nightclub. Ia bertanya, apakah perlu ia menceritakan masa lalu tersebut kepada istrinya? Tentu saja jawaban yang bijak adalah melarang ia melakukan hal tersebut. Menceritakan keburukan di masa lalu dapat membuat kehidupan rumah tangga menjadi tidak tenang. Siapa yang bisa menjamin istrinya tidak akan terus curiga kepadanya, sementara dia sudah bertaubat dan tidak melakukannya lagi. Bisa jadi malah hal ini menjadi sumber cekcok dan berakibat tidak baik untuk rumah tangganya ke depan.

Lalu bagaimana kalau suatu saat ada temen yang “ember” dan menceritakan kepada istrinya?

Itu terjadi. Benar-benar terjadi. Bahkan belum terlalu lama. Apa yang terjadi? Apakah istrinya marah karena tidak mendapatkan kebenarannya dari suaminya? Ternyata tidak. Kenapa? Sebabnya adalah karena selama ini temanku tidak lagi keluar malam. Tidak nongkrong-nongkrong di warung. Sebagian besar waktunya dihabiskan untuk keluarga kecilnya. Ia berusaha menjadi ayah dan suami yang baik untuk keluarganya. Tindakannya sudah menjadi jawaban dari “berita” yang diberikan oleh teman suaminya (yang entah itu teman atau “teman”). Sang istri melihat bahwa orang yang menjadi suaminya bukanlah orang yang diceritakan memiliki perilaku buruk itu. Baginya, orang yang buruk itu sudah tidak ada, sehingga tidak menjadi masalah lagi.

Memudahkan untuk hidup melangkah maju

Dengan tidak menceritakan kepada siapapun, kita akan lebih mudah maju ke depan. Orang lain tidak akan menjadi penghalang atas apa yang ingin kita lakukan di masa sekarang. Setiap manusia layak atas kesempatan kedua, ketiga dan seterusnya. Selama terus berusaha menjadi baik. Jadi tidak ada alasan untuk terus mempertahankan asumsi saat ini berdasar masa lalu kelam. Jika kita adalah pemilik masa lalu kelam itu, menceritakannya kepada orang lain, sama saja memberikan senjata kepada orang lain untuk menusuk kita. Di sisi lain, jika kita mengetahui aib/keburukan orang di masa lalu, lebih baik diam. Kita tidak tahu apakah hal yang kita ucapkan dapat menghancurkan hidup orang atau tidak. Bisa jadi dia sudah bertaubat, tidak melakukan hal-hal buruk seperti yang kita tahu sebelumnya.

Lalu bagaimana kalau orang itu pernah merugikan orang lain? Misalnya pernah menipu orang?

Kita bisa mulai dengan cara mengamati, apakah perbuatannya merugikan orang lain itu diulanginya lagi atau tidak. Jika menurut kita perbuatannya salah, dapat kita tegur. Bukan di depan umum, namun dihadapi dengan empat mata, hanya berdua saja. Untuk melakukan klarifikasi atas apa yang dia lakukan atau dia rencanakan. Paling tidak kita bisa mendapatkan gambaran utuh, tanpa praduga dan prasangka. Jika ternyata keliru, tidak baik, kita bisa menasehati. Jika tidak bisa dinasehati, maka kewajiban kita terhadapnya sudah selesai. Sekarang giliran kewajiban kita kepada orang lain yang menjadi “calon korban” teman kita tersebut. Kita bisa menasehati orang tersebut untuk lebih berhati-hati, tanpa harus mengungkap masa lalu teman kita itu. Salah satunya dengan melakukan “rasionalisasi” atas tawaran “sang penipu” itu. Beberapa kali aku melakukan hal semacam ini dan terbukti merupakan win-win solution untuk semuanya.

Apa yang ditutup oleh Allah, jangan kita buka kembali

Bagi seorang muslim, selayaknya kita menyakini bahwa harkat dan martabat kita terjaga karena Allah. Meskipun kita telah melakukan dosa, Allah masih memberikan kita “muka” di hadapan makhluk-Nya. Caranya tentu saja adalah dengan menutup aib kita. Tidak diketahuinya aib kita oleh orang lain adalah karena Allah tidak membongkarnya. Jikapun nanti terbongkar setelah kita berusaha untuk menutupnya, selama kita sudah bertaubat, pasti untuk kebaikan. Seperti istri dari temanku yang tidak melihat itu sebagai sebuah hal yang besar, setelah aib suaminya dibongkar oleh temannya sendiri. Tidak ada masalah, semua kembali normal setelah itu. Istrinya juga tidak pernah membicarakannya sekalipun, baik dalam keadaan normal, maupun ketika mengalami cekcok. Ya namanya rumah tangga, pasti tetap ada cekcok sesekali, kan? Justru kalau diam-diam saja itu rumah tangga atau rumah kost, eh? Hehehe.

Lho, bukannya itu namanya berbohong?

Jangan salah pengertian dulu. Berbohong itu jika kita berkata yang tidak sebenarnya. Ingat bagaimana tanda-tanda orang munafik? Ciri yang pertama, jika berkata selalu dusta. Garis-bawahi dengan benar, jika berkata. Nah, jika kita diam, maka tidak bisa dikatakan berdusta. Selain itu juga ada masalah niat. Menghindari mudharat harus didahulukan daripada mendapat manfaat. Niat kita baik, untuk menghindari masalah yang lebih besar.

Kalau diam dikatakan dusta, maka setiap orang akan masuk neraka secara otomatis, tanpa harus lewat start. Mengendalikan informasi yang keluar dari mulut kita, terutama untuk menghindari mudharat yang lebih besar, bukan termasuk berbohong. Kalau kita menyampaikan aib sendiri atau orang lain, kita tidak yakin seberapa besar masalah atau mudharat yang timbul akibat perkataan itu, sehingga diam menurutku adalah jalan yang terbaik.

Jika sebuah aib kita tersebar, bersabar. Mungkin itu yang terbaik. Jika aib orang lain tersebar, pastikan bukan kita yang menyebarkannya. Dan jangan pula menyebarkannya lebih luas lagi.

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