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Semua orang yang pernah merasakan jatuh cinta dan membina hubungan cinta pasti setuju bahwa pengalaman ini lebih mirip dengan diikat dalam wahana hiburan yang sensasional seperti halilintar atau roller coaster.
Ilustrasi cewek sedang cemburu.
Ada sensasi konflik emosi karena campuran antara kegembiraaan dan sedikit keraguan berada dalam cengkeraman kekuatan yang diluar kontrol kita. Namun bagi sebagian orang, ketakutan biasa yang tidak diketahui dapat menjadi ketakutan yang besar. Bagi mereka, taruhannya adalah psikologis dan emosional dalam harapan yang tinggi dan hasilnya diberi bobot dengan segala macam implikasi tentang kesejahteraan dan citra diri.
Rasa takut ini berbentuk kecemburuan dan menempel kemana-mana umumnya merupakan respon reflektif dari trauma emosional dalam hubungan masa lalu, baik dengan orang tua, saudara atau mantan kekasih. Luka lama ini mencegah seseorang dari perasaan aman di masa sekarang sekalipun bukti yang ada mengatakan bahwa semuanya baik-baik saja. Perilaku cemburu ini memiliki spektrum yang luas, mulai dari yang ringan hingga panik kelas berat.
Jika pasangan mengalami kecemburuan ekstrim dalam skala berat, psikiater adalah orang yang paling baik dikunjungi. Namun jika urusan kecemburuan ini hanya mengakibatkan ketidaknyamanan yang mengganggu, maka kamu dapat mengatasinya sendiri.
Mengoreksi diri sendiri
Apakah diri kamu merupakan bagian dari masalah? Tidak ada salahnya kamu memeriksa perilaku kamu sendiri dalam mencari ranjau darat yang mungkin kamu letakkan di jalan yang dilalui pasangan kamu. Orang yang tidak menderita kecemburuan seringkali tidak tahu bahwa dibutuhkan hal kecil saja untuk memicu longsoran keraguan pada seseorang.
Mungkin saja ini dipicu secara tidak sengaja dengan membuat hal-hal buruk dengan kata-kata atau tindakan yang ceroboh. Seperti misalnya apakah kamu seringkali ingkar dari janji-janji kecil? Apakah cara kamu berckamu seringkali melibatkan pasangan sebagai olok-olok? Apakah kamu membicarakan mantan kekasih lebih dari seharusnya? Cobalah jujur dnegan dirimu sendiri dan buatlah perubahan.
Hal-hal yang bisa kamu bantu
Kamu bisa membantu pasangan dengan bereaksi yang benar. Banyak orang menanggapi kecemburuan pasangan dengan berharap agar semuanya berlalu begitu saja. Pendekatan ini tidak kenal belas kasihan namun juga tidak praktis. Kecemburuan bisanya didorong oleh ingatan menyakitkan yang tidak tersentuh oleh upaya menderong rasa malu mereka dalam keheningan.
Pemeriksaan diri adalah yang diperlukan, bukan disiplin diri. Kamu dapat menjadi bagian dari solusi dengan menciptakan keadaan yang kondusif supaya tidak ada kesempatan dirinya berpikir negatif tentang kamu. Mulailah berkomunikasi dengan pasangan kamu. Ketika seorang yang cemburu berada dalam kesunyian, maka asumsinya akan didominasi dengan keraguan dan kekhawatiran. Maka dari itu kamu harus berkomunikasi dengannya.
Hal yang dapat ditoleransi dari pasangan
Seperti apa bentuk kecemburuan pasangan yang bisa ditoleransi? Itu harus kamu temukan dan pilah-pilah. Seperti kata pepatah, “jangan memperbaiki apa yang tidak rusak”, kamu hanya perlu menghindari beberapa tindakan kecil yang membuat pasangan kamu merasa cemburu dan kamu memutuskan untuk hidup dengan cara itu. Hal ini tidak akan mencegah kamu mendorong pasangan untuk mengatasai masalah yang mendasar, namun dapat mengurangi dominasi kamu terhadap hubungan yang sedang kamu jalani.
Setidaknya, kamu bisa berdamai dengan keadaan. Namun terkadang ada bagian dari perilaku kecemburuan yang tidak begitu saja bisa diterima atau diabaikan karena menuntut bahkan memaksakan hal-hal yang tidak rasional kepada kamu. Hal seperti ini tidak bisa ditoleransi. Kamu harus tahu di batas mana kamu bisa mengabaikan dan di batas mana kamu sudah tidak tahan lagi, maka dari itu buatlah daftar yang spesifik. Dengan begitu jika saatnya tiba si dia menuntut perubahan yang spesifik dalam hubungan kamu, maka kamu tahu dimana kamu harus berdiri, ya atau tidak beserta alasannya.
Saat kamu berubah, dia harus berubah
Pertanyaan yang harus kamu jawab adalah saat kamu sudah berubah dan tidak ada hal yang memungkinkan ia untuk cemburu, apakah dia juga ikut berubah? Dalam arti tidak lagi cemburu berlebihan. Jika ya, maka investasi kamu dalam hubungan ini sangat berharga. Namun jika kamu menyimpulkan bahwa si dia kemungkinan tidak akan berubah kecemburuannya apapun yang kamu lakukan, itu adalah resep menuju malapetaka dalam hubungan.
Bersiaplah untuk meninggalkan si dia secepatnya karena semakin kamu berlama-lama, maka keputusan akan sulit dibuat.Kecemburan berlebih adalah masalah umum dalam hubungan namun tidak selalu menandakan matinya sebuah hubungan. Dengan bersabar, bersikap baik dan bijaksana dalam batas-batas tertentu, semuanya bisa diatasi. Bagaimana menurut kamu?
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